2021

Tightness engulfs the mind

The demons of the soul creeping between the cracks

Incessant words ricochet around the invisible walls

Clasping palms over the ears to dull the sound.

The deep crimson petals fall silently to the earth

Their richness of tone begins to fade

As the drums beat louder

And the conductors snarl.

Tightness engulfs the mind

As the season evaporates into the history pages

And the witch hunt commences for those waving the sages

The footprints in the sand no longer display

A time where laughter consumed each breath

For we tred a new pathway

To pastures unknown

Take my hand

Breathe

Yet another media frenzy

Do you honestly believe that the media have uncovered a revelation? UK government partied during lockdown? What a media frenzy, the population distraught and disallusioned. Do you honestly believe this is a reality?

Could it not be surmised that this could be another government distraction from yet another hidden agenda? It is futile requesting for the resignation of the party as no doubt some other party will just be placed strategically to spout the rhetoric of the elite.

Good old Boris led the team this evening centre stage on his podium, clearly providing the answers his loyal UK residents demanded. I hope you detected my humour there…. He certainly did not allay any doubts nor did he take any responsibility for his own actions. While the leaders of this show played back stage, having a ‘right ole knees up’, many individuals decided they could no longer reside on this planet due to continuing loneliness, mounting debts, losing their identity, hence they ceased to take part any more. Whilst the politicians sipped their cocktails and discussed the next move, the son, the daughter, the sister, the brother, the father, the mother, the grandparent, the best friend…. they were unable to comfort their loved ones or spend precious time together, they missed the last moments which can never be regained.

I am utterly speechless, it is like a re-run of the worst 90’s Sci-Fi movie you can recall. One of those rotten tomatoes scenarios as you metaphorically catapult them into the television. I am sat perched on the edge of my seat, hair greying by the second, heart in a constant tachycardia, awaiting for aliens to arrive.

If you stand back and absorb the script it is plain to see that the powers that be and the media are instilling fear and panic with regards to our own individual demise. They are actually controlling our perspective of death by applying fear to the masses. ‘Do this and you won’t die’. ‘ Take this and you might not die.’ The majority of humans appear to have become participants in the films ‘Final destination’ of which there are no winners. We cannot run from the only reality there is.

There is no doubt Covid can kill, as can heart disease, cancer, autoimmune disorders, and a multitude of other illnesses. In addition we can suggest mental health issues, social disorder, domestic violence, poor economic standing, homelessness, substance abuse, road traffic accidents can all result in disability or death. The entire list have varying complexities and can result in death, yet apart from Covid, we are not confined, coerced or bullied by a political party.

Boris appeared under the illusion this evening that the population of the United Kingdom fully supports the rhetoric and compliant with the political rule. I am confused to who he has obtained the information from in regards to this.

Remember the Wizard of Oz? Who was behind the curtain?

I will just add.. this is my stream of consciousness, my thoughts. Your views may differ and that is perfectly fine too.

Christmas cheer challenges menopausal Grinch.

Should I be experiencing feelings of Christmas cheer today? Well for your information, I am certainly, most definitely, NOT. I keep breathing in deeply and conversing with my inner most being, trying to extract the jolly emotion.

Come on……… I try to squeeze an ounce of moderately Christmas spirit. Imagine a tightly wound coil being stretched.. then visualise it recoiling ….ME.

I attempt to address the situation with interrogation of the self within. Are you transforming into the Grinch? Are you feeling depressed? Are you experiencing empty nest syndrome? Are you feeling overwhelmed with the covid rhetoric? Are you in avoidance mode of the decoration task? In view of the extremely empty piggy bank.. are you aware you do not have the financial means to indulge in the festivities of this season?

Do you realise you are speaking about yourself in third person here?

Maybe that is the issue.. I have detached myself so far from reality due to the current societal events, that I can no longer involve myself within the confines of tradition. OR……am I in the eye of the storm, the menopause tornado where nothing is as it seems? Joy, frivolity, Christmas cheer has left the building. The remains are of a woman standing in a brain fog, reflecting aimlessly of when the brood were young, when she was a spritely, spirited, took pride in her uniqueness and relished in adopting the role of Santa Claus.

The tears begin to well and cascade down my cheeks…. A huge metaphoric boot suddenly appears and places a jolt to my derriere. For fuck sake take a long hard look at yourself… You have use of your limbs, you have a roof over your head, you are alive!!!!!!

Time to wipe away the tears, put my big girl pants on, face what remains of life with a positive mindset……… COME ONnNn, remove my body from the soft office and tell the universe I want to enjoy. Today I will alter my personal narrative to that of “I am the youngest I will be today”

“I am going to feel healthy today”

” I am going to drag the Christmas decorations out of the loft and permit festive cheer to vomit over the house” 🙂

What are you going to do today?

Heart stops beating

One day the heart stops beating

The engine ceases to be

Life is but a glimpse

Fleeting

In the vast open sea

The waves keep crashing upon the eroding shore

The couple, once the teenage dream, hobble hand in hand

Across the time trodden land

The clock continues to strike each hour as before

The marching band continues to follow the lead

Their feet becoming sore

For when the heart no longer chimes

And the dust begins to settle

Will it be that you see the signs

That what is meant to be …

I told you so!

Today is a ‘feeling shite’ day

That others, I’m sure have too

This menopause lark is bleak

Every thing my mother said was unbelievably true

I initially thought she spouted words

For sympathy she might seek

But I apologize profusely now

As she nods in the ‘ I told you so’

I have a raging dragon under lock and key

Please do not poke me now as I know you do not want to see

The female version of incredible hulk

Thats it, sit in the corner and sulk

Your wife is unrecognisable

As she nods in the ‘i told you so’

Unhinge life

Most extraordinary craft said Bowie to me

On that warm sunny day when i still felt relatively free

To live my own life, with consequence my own

It all seems a distant dream, now my life is on loan

To the powers that be who think they know better

Who dictate to the masses and say we should live to the letter

Yet I’m looking at them as they contradict their own rules

Whilst they yell down the megaphone that we are nothing but fools

When will chaos cease and peace prevail

Or shall I wait patiently for things to set sail

Down a stream of dissonance

War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.

George Orwell, 1984

Menopause can leave now please

Menopause.. what a joy

Im ecstatic with your charm

Thank you so much for visiting me

My brain is certainly no longer calm

It actually feels like my brain has enlarged and pressing on my skull

My eyes, like balls of fire pulsating in their sockets

Oh wait, let see if there is a lull

Who am I trying to fool, you are here for the duration

No longer do I feel youthful and pert.

No, I am in that third generation

My hair is turning silver, accepting gracefully, ha no that’s not me.

My breasts have enlarged, hurt like hell

And damn, I need yet another pee

I stare at the reflection, she gazes back at me

How come I resemble fifty two when I feel only twenty three?

Every joint aches and creaks now

And my frame has gained somewhat

I know, I’ll join the gym and do ten thousand squats

“wait until you are my age” the lady said to me

“at least you still have your own teeth and can laugh instead of pee”

And so the wind blows

The wind replicates the oceans as it ebbs and flows in the moonlit night.

The melodic tones echo through the trees as the invisible conductor instructs the orchestra to play.

With gusto the pianoforte depicts the mood and the leaves dance upon the silhouette of the stars.

The conductors baton darts skillfully upon the thermals

Each note harmoniously executed.

Shussshhhhhhh sleep now

Final breath

You took your final breath today

You said your last goodbyes

Your body no longer trapping you

To the confines of its sides

Your conscious is now free my dear

to soar above the clouds

The pain has freed you from it clutches,

your vision becoming clear

To be at one with everything

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