Entering the realm of technological advancement.

The title, ‘technological advancement’, is how I deem my skill this evening. Affirmative, I have advanced my technical skill by updating my wordpress application. Oh yes, I hear the crowd clapping in a joyous folly within the confines of my cranium. I can confirm I indeed refer to my hard boney cranium and not the soft mush that should reside within. (Stop scratching your la tete, attempting to decipher my meaning). It is the little people …. for those in the same age bracket as myself *cough, splutter* cast your mind back to the ‘Numskulls’ from The Beano comic. Do you comprehend me now?

Shall i continue? What I actually intended to state this evening was….. I initially deferred from the task of updating this application however, this evening….. I gained another follower ( rapturous applause is again deafening my ears – shhhhhh Numskulls really, pleaseeeee!!). The result of that lovely person clicking ‘follow’, was updated site. Oh yay go me, go you, go everybody.

Seriously 😳 I have no idea what I am rambling on about now. What I will suggest is, I am seemingly falling into the a pot of nonsensical babble therefore, I bid you all a good day/good night and I will visit the

It stays hidden

The face paints the picture

All prefer to see,

No tears,no panic,

Just robotic, “smile it’s free”.

Seething solemnly, silence all encompassing,

Internalising the screams,

Release, release, stretch out and see,

For the person gazing back at you, behind the smoky glass,

Requires permission to grieve for the youth long spent.

“Stop hiding, accept the being you are today”

Inhale,ten slow deep breaths

It’s a weight thing.

I tentatively stepped upon the scales today
One foot, then the other, I held my breath
The digital counter rose and rose
To a resounding measurement
I felt pure dismay!
The excuses rained down, dripping,soaking every inch of my skin
As i began to crawl into the deep, dark cavern.
I blamed menopause, the feeders, boredom,loneliness, the cat down the road
Avoidance of my own self sabotage upon my health and wellbeing.
I began a journey of bargaining,with whom?…… Myself!
Exercise, healthy nutritional consumption
And strategic time line to a healthier me!
Then my hand slipped nonchalantly into the bag of chocolate Turkish delight
I’ll definitely start tomorrow!

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Feeling frustrated

It’s the ninth layer of paint

Shadows, highlights, washes and glazes

It remains a work in progress

A work in progress

The frustration is becoming deep set as the image on the canvas does not equate to the visual within my mind.

With each wash, the colour retreats and the process of development commences once again.

Compatible to one’s self, is it not?

Like the creation of a painting, we too can only evolve with introspection.

Stripping back, erasing the failings in order to fine tune the most beneficial.

How long is the process?

What is the quantity of washes we require to recreate our own vision of ideal?

Define your being!

The YouTube wormhole

The wormhole, once entered, I begin to swim along the tide.

Inspirational, influential,do I know these individuals?

Becoming absorbed within the parallel universe.

A vacuum suddenly plummets me into the bars of my room,

The bars I created, society created,life created

Am I living the dream, the ‘norm’, the idyll that these others, the influencers, are projecting through the screen to me?

Am I?

I do not look into a cupboard to decide which matching bowl from John Lewis, to use for my yogurt.

Firstly I cannot afford anything from John Lewis and secondly, does it matter?

Questions, questions, always a question floating aimlessly around my brain.

Turn off the noise, select the cracked bowl

Is it aesthetically pleasing?

No…

Does it hold the yoghurt?

Affirmative

Continue…

What a day for

Kicking my backside into gear

Is the day that was now yesterday ( try saying that quickly).

I awoke later than planned therefore,tick list automatic fail.

Product sales certainly not following the trajectory I had envisioned……. Biscuits absentmindedly entering my oral cavity…….two pounds weight increase – another day unable to comfortably seeing my feet.

Parcels wrapped and placed carefully in a fully working automobile. Husband ready and prepared for the onslaught of tut tutting, deep sighing and do not forget, eye rolling, from the post office customers AND staff.

I return home, allow three extremely happy dogs to relieve themselves, then we all settle down inside. Ohhhh no we do not!!! The eleven month old, rather huge Doberman, decides mum must entertain her every whim. The older two,very compact and small fluff balls, splay out on the sofa showing clear distain for the clumsy, irritating puppy. It is questionable whether they are sending telepathic messages to my mind ” why, whyyyy, what did we do to deserve this?”

If you have ever watched ‘Marley and me’, cast your mind back to the puppy stage of Marley……. that is a true comparative to my present situation. Whilst this chaos ensues I have to photograph, write description and upload stock onto my sites. Slow process with a dog slobbering over my head.

When I thought things were going so wonderful (absorb the hint of sarcasm), the husband facetimes me. The car has made some alarming noise and now deceased. Engine bye bye. Absolutely fabulous, thank you very much. No money in the kitty however on a plus… Son lends us his car, yay!

The following hours… Youngest develops pus on tonsils, productive cough, not forgetting a wonderful pyrexia. Nurse hat on, I alter role from business woman, dog sitter/trainer, wife, to brow mopper to adult child. Oh the joys.

So at 03.06 hours I am scouting for virtual assistant work to boost my income, preparing items to list in four hours time, organising online gp appointment times and thinking of how many ways I could earn a living alongside my own business.

Ouch…… I have a sore throat rearing its ugly head now….what joy!

Sweet dreams

And here’s a painting in process… A great deal to do yet.

All those good intentions

Does your day commence with all good intentions?

To live, be it internally or externally, to societal expectation?

Do you begin with defiance, standing firm that today you will change and follow your destiny?

On this day my carefully drafted list appeared neatly on the page.

I would ensure the business plan was at its optimum. Every ailment,be it menopause related or hypochondria central, would evaporate into magical sparkles.

Did my hours go according to my agenda?

Truthfully?

NO

Time to smell roses, dance in the rain, laugh, cry, be!!!

Nothing makes sense anyway.

Anybody out there?

It has passed midnight and I am optimistic that I will actually sleep tonight. Last night was a complete no show! My frequent excursions to the bathroom, because some bright spark decided to slurp tea until late evening, put pay to restful slumber. As I actually stated that fact … a Eureka moment washed over my being…. I have just emptied a bucket of tea again. Will I ever learn?

Anyway, this evening (morning) before I settle down to this sleeping malarky, I would like to ask (beg), if you could share with me some ideas for my artwork. A word or a theme that i could build upon, if you would be so kind :). I am hoping to create a series of paintings, poetry and written rambles encompassing the theme or word/words I am presented with. Your input would be gratefully received

Okay, I am begging pleasssseeeeeeeeee.

I have reached the age of … Sorry application denied

As I scrutinize every detail of my recently updated CV, I cannot help but wonder if my age has finally labelled me…. Ancient!

It could be surmised that I have been exceedingly lucky to have never experienced job application rejection, until now. There is something quite raw about it. It cuts quite deep! It has raised the question, am I too old to be employed within roles I know I am extremely competent in? I have also applied for positions that I have no prior experience however, transferable skills and my present self employed role will surely stand for something?

To be honest I did not particularly want the posts I applied and was thrown on the scrap heap for. I just require a supplementary, remote role, that allows me to continue with my present online self employment. The ultimate job role would be as a writer however, I just need to keep on dreaming with that one.

Returning to the facts, do I question whether my tender age of 53 is now too old. To not be considered for posts that I have over thirty years experience in, results in the vomit rising just a tad.

Well age is just a number…….. Did not want the job anyway 😉

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started