Waffles

Presently, i have the tape measure staring into my soul and spectacles perched on the end of my nose, attempting to visualise through the scratches that are obscuring clear 20/20 vision. I suppose that you are so intrigued now, are you not? Hmmmm she needs her sight and a tape measure…… Actually I do not require the tape measure, just the belt of my jeans. You guessed correctly, it is the weight issue that has reared its head in my Mensa on this fine day. I awoke with a stretch and all good intentions to do a morning meditation, gentle movement and then a soothing green tea. I am sounding rather Zen here I know 🙂 HOWEVER, Youtube became my familiar on this fine day and my phlanges mindfully tapped away at the keyboard to guide me to all the positive, upbeat content that would fill my soul with a creative zest for life. It commenced very well, a dose of Zoella and Mark having a Christmas themed friendship day in August, all very wholesome and comforting, oh and a Grackle vlog to add into the mix. You see it started on an upbeat, relaxed trend and then chaos reigned. A notification rang through the air from my phone, not an email but news updates, NHS waist sizes to reduce risk of COVID 19. I felt the anxiety rising into my throat, palms beginning to perspire. A female, waist size should be thirty two inches, thirty seven inches for a male or you are in the obese category and placing yourself at a higher risk – thanks for that. AND BREATHEEEEEEEE

Youtube, being the plethora of knowledge it is, now succumbs to my frantic attack in search of the perfect cure for an over 50, unfit, vegetarian who has a waist size of 38″. The age old saying, consume less calories and move more appears a sensible option to many however, this is my mind we are talking about here. There has to be the ultimate antidote for my need to consume snacks and lack of movement. Lets ponder this dilemma shall we? NOOOOoooo lets not. Whilst I observe the super fit, motivated individuals, displaying the before and after shots and providing tips for the ultimate midlife style, there is a debate rattling around in my brain.

“You can do this, you too can become a fitness goddess”

“who are you kidding here, feed me snacks, I need snacks”

“Chocolateeeeeeee”

“ok, we need a treadmill, weights, hula hoop, trainers……..chocolate”

“Come on get a grip”

And so, the conversation within my cranium continued to rage for atleast an hour until I had an epiphany – I am making excuses to not do anything about my health, both physical and mental. If i am not happy then there is only me that can do something about it. The support of others is wonderful however, this is not their journey, it is mine. I should not subject them to transference of my negative moods because I am not content with who I am. This is my life and my yellow brick road to follow. Loved ones can share the path if they so wish however, they should not be forced to tread the path if it is not part of their own story. We can often forget that others can share your life but they do not have to follow in your shoes, individuality should be embraced and encouraged for a wholesome union.

Therefore, to cut a long story short, I hereby make a pledge to MYSELF that I will restrain from diving into the chocolate fountain, refrain from comfort foods when my moods dip and do this for me. I will not subject my loved ones to my issues of feeling ‘not good enough’ and instead address it and confront it. I will, over the following three months, make positive goals daily to be the better version of myself for me 🙂

Thank you and good night xx

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